Just this small thing

I want to pray and look at one of lies that is said inside my head sometimes:

"I'm a good person.  I do everything I'm supposed to all the time.  I go above and beyond in everything.  So I should be able to eat whatever I want.  In just this small thing I should get what I want!"

Two thoughts come to my mind about this statement.  One is how childish it sounds and the other is concern about the the just-this-small-thing attitude.

This thinking smacks of my childhood.  I do everything I'm supposed to all the time - what's that about?  I'm an adult and I choose my own behavior.  Yes I may be compliant with laws, work requirements, commitments made to ministry, or going above and beyond for my school assignments - but these are my choices.  Not to mention that I make these choices because they benefit me.

When I was growing up our household was a bit crazy.  My two older sisters have been acting out since I was young.  I felt like I had to be really good all the time to compensate.  My parents focused on my sisters because they pretty much had to.  I felt alone.  In that unreasonable way that children have of thinking they are so powerful, I had a drive in the back of my mind to be really good so that everything would come out all right.  Only it never did.

As an adult I've become big on the thought process that all God requires of me is obedience and He will take care of the results.  I've reminded myself of this truth when results have not been what I wanted.

I'm really uncomfortable about the In just this small thing I should get what I want thing.  I can't quite put my finger on it but I know it's wrong.  It feels rebellious (there's that childish thing again). I am a Christian.  Christian teaching is that you take direction from God.  Two scriptures that come to mind are:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV):
¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

James 4:7-10 (MSG)
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.

It's all about attitude....